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Baby does a poo!
Baby does poo that leaks through her clothes.
Baby puts hand or foot in poo while you are changing her.
Baby does a poo that goes up her back.
Change poo nappy while out and about.
Baby does poo while out, and you're missing something important for changing her, e.g. wipes or nappy.
Baby wees on the nappy you are about to put on her.
You are impressed by the sheer mass of a very wet nappy.
Baby is sick on you.
Baby is sick on you to the extent that you need to change your outfit.
Baby is sick on you to the extent that you consider changing your outfit but you decide not to bother.
Baby gets a grubby neck from sick
You can smell baby sick on you but do not know where it is.
You dress baby in a special dress for an event or to impress whoever bought it for you, and she is sick on it before you can show anyone.
Baby manages to get sick in her own ear
Somebody offers advice you feel is unnecessary and was unasked for.
Somebody calls baby 'he' without you having mentioned gender.
You are secretly glad that you can avoid a social/zoom event that you didn't want to do because of baby.
You actively avoid a social/zoom event that you could have made, citing baby, and get away with it.
Somebody makes an unsolicited comment about baby's weight/size.
Somebody uses the phrase 'sleepless nights' to you.
You binge watch some really crappy TV in the middle of the night.
You say something similar to 'I knew it'd be tiring but it's so much worse than I thought'.
Someone holding baby is sure she's doing a poo when she's doing nothing of the sort.
Baby focuses on something with her eyes open.
Baby Smiles.
Baby sits up.
Baby grabs your hair.
Baby grabs your glasses.
Baby rolls over.
Baby crawls.
Baby blows bubbles.
Baby gets hiccups.
You look at baby and feel overcome and want to weep with joy.
You enjoy sniffing baby's head.
You get your partner to check baby is breathing.
You feel a fear that you have never felt before, about keeping baby safe.
You do some poppers up wrongly on a babygrow/playsuit.
Baby's toe pokes out of her playsuit.
Baby kicks her socks off.
Things that people have said about what it's like to have children, that you have always doubted, start to make sense.
You start to empathise with some of the frustrations that people with children face with their jobs.
Welcome to Level 2!
New ability:
You can function on less than 30% of the sleep you thought you needed.
Welcome to Level 3!
You can perform many household tasks with a baby in one arm.
Welcome to Level 4!
You can spot how other parents are doing it wrong.
Welcome to Level 5!
You no longer have any fear of wee, sick OR poo.
You have completed the main quest line!
...but there is a lot of DLC that is currently unreleased!
Enjoy parenthood! You're going to be fantastic.